El Buzón

Here is the first installment of Suburban Macondo’s mailbag, lamely named El Buzón. (Hey, “The ’Bag” already was taken.) Because I currently have an audience of two—my father-in-law and my fantasy-football commissioner—I had to improvise a little. Read: If you see your name and you didn’t ask a question, tough break. My question was probably better than yours anyway.

Let’s start with some baseball season follow-up questions, since 90% of the three questions I’ve been asked had something to do with baseball. In case you didn’t know, the Boston Red Sox won the 2004 World Series. And somehow, the ceiling of my apartment didn’t fall in when I wrote that sentence.

From reader Gtocz, aka el suegro, back in Glastonbury, Conn.:
What I want to know is—if they are in the ALCS next year, will you make a trip back to the Andes, or should I say, will your family make you take a trip back to the Andes?

This was asked before the end of the playoffs. The answer is, of course, yes. Although there’s a slight chance we’ll already be somewhere in the Andes during next year’s playoffs, there’s no doubt Brooke and I will get up from wherever we are and head straight to Pico Bolívar. We’ll nod at Loca Luz Caraballo, fry up some trout, crack open a few Polar Ices and voila! World Series No. 8.
This is inane.

(Oh, and don't tell Brooke about this. Please)

From evan, the Commish, presumably writing within earshot of the in-corretta-ble Aaron Fitt:
Will the Sox winning the WS take all the mystique out of RSNation, as they will no longer be the lovable losers who just can't quite make it?

Last time I checked, the Sox were the anti-lovable losers. Since when does any team once featuring—though not at the same time, gracias a Dios—Izzy Alcantara, Carl Everett and José Canseco and managed by the likes of Butch Hobson, Kevin Kennedy and Jimy Williams seem lovable? Butch is just now fighting off coke. Izzy is sharpening his spikes for the next time he kung-fus a catcher in the stomach. Insufferable losers, deserving of nothing. A sad, sad bunch.

I know one thing: My dad never once has called them “lovable.” Bums, sure. Jackasses, of course. Lovable losers, though, absolutely not.

So, no, I don’t think that mystique is gone. Instead, there will be no more Jeannie Zelasko talking about curses. No more Steve Lyons “on the psyche of the Red Sox.” Just Tim McCarver, making no sense whatsoever. That’s a real curse.

Will said RS fans then feel jealousy towards Cubs fans?

Last time I checked, Mia Hamm’s husband still plays for the Cubbies. So no, no jealousy here. Pity, maybe. Every team deserves a shortstop with some range.
Besides, how could Sox fans have any real bad feelings toward the Cubs, jealousy or otherwise? My buddy Doug wrote me several times from Peru during the playoffs, and you’d have thought from his excitement that the Cubs were about to win the Series. Good people, Cubs fans are. It’s not their fault they’re stuck with Sammy and have a crappy ’pen.

Okay, no more sports, please. After all the baseball watching I did last month, I don’t think I can take anymore. And yes, I know once Carolina tips off in a couple of weeks I will be finding ways to watch NCAA hoops on ESPN Deportes.

Back to the suegro for question #4:
What do people down there think about the States’ political situation? Do they think about it at all?

When you think about Venezuela, you have to think about it as a once apolitical country in which strong man dictators ruled for most of its independence. Not good at all, but somewhat stable. Since about 12 years ago, though, the country has endured three coup attempts, including one involving fighter jets in downtown Caracas. One of the leaders of the first coup, Hugo Chávez, is now president. He was the victim of a coup attempt that lasted exactly one day several years ago. You think the elections in Florida were sketchy? Come and vote in Venezuela, where all of Chávez’s guys win, no matter what. (Although, to be honest, it doesn’t help when 55% of the electorate doesn’t vote because it lacks faith in the democratic process.)

What was your question about again? Oh, yeah. The States. Well, people here hate Bush, largely because he doesn’t exactly project himself as a friendly international leader. That said, Chávez consistently has told his country that Americans are not to be trusted, for fear that they might be CIA agents (out to get Chávez, of course). In a country where Chávez is hated by seemingly all middle- and upper-class people, his anti-Bush rhetoric is still a winner with pretty much everyone here. Chávez’s never-ending speeches make numerous references to the imperial Americans and their low-oil-price-wanting, free-trade-pushing government. Because of that, people here think that we Americans think about Venezuela all the time. It is, after all, one of our major oil producers. Then again, when was the last time you thought about Venezuela? Exactly. People here are shocked, and maybe a little saddened, at that.

From my dad, who has basic concerns:
What is the weather like in Mérida?

Warmer than Glastonbury and cooler than Caracas. Actually, it’s surprisingly consistent: It’s sunny and cool in the morning before the clouds come over the mountains at about noon. At 3 or 4 in the afternoon the clouds produce a little bit of rain, and then, after a 10-degree drop in temperature, it rains pretty hard for an hour or two at night. This happens every day, without fail. Apparently, once December hits we’ll move into the dry season, which lasts until about April. During that time it’s essentially a drought with lots of sun. So, no more, ‘How’s the weather there, Ian?’ Nope. It’s always the same, Pa.

From Anonymous (though I have my suspicions):
What exactly are you doing there again?

Um, do you work for the Fulbright Program? Next question.

From gmu, Chapel Hill, N.C.;
Have you made friends there in Mérida?

Yup. Although I’d love to go into detail on Luis, Virginia, Andreína, Moises, Jessie, etc., that will have to come poco a poco during the year. I can’t explain them here, not like this. Too much to say.

From my mom, who doesn’t use the Internet but who asks me a thousand times on the phone:
Why haven’t we seen any pictures yet?

They’re coming, I promise. We’re e-mailing out several batches tonight (?) … if you want some and don’t get the photos in your inbox, send me an e-mail and I’ll straighten that out.

From wick, Upper West Side:
What are the women like there?

Dude, I’m married. Remember? (And besides, the censor is reading this in a minute.)

So, that’ll wrap things up here in Mérida. (Blog, not chat. Blog.) Anyway, the quality of El Buzón clearly depends on the quality of questions asked, so keep them coming. That is, start them coming. Like now.